Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Churchhill


       One might find it odd that a place where I feel most content is located halfway across the world in Scotland. I’ve only stepped foot in the place about six or seven times at the absolute most, but the last time I sat in this beautiful theatre was the best fifteen minuets of my life. The red velvet chairs, beautiful crown molding, an empty stage and a house filled with roughly forty people running around, causing chaos. 
Putting on a show and presenting it to the public is scary enough as it is. Wondering if the audience will like your adaptation of someone else’s work and ideas. Attempting to make them your own all the while sticking to the true meaning of the character is so unnerving. But when you decide to write your own play with thirty-two other high schoolers and two adults presenting on an international level to be shared for the first time...well...that’s just crazy. While working on a show, these classmates not only become your friends but you create such a strong bond you start to become family. The endless amount of time you spend with these people not only on but off the stage writing and collaborating something made by us really made Churchhill all the more special.
The trip was coming to a close and our final show in Scotland had snuck up on all of us. We knew it had to come to an end at some point, we just didn’t want to accept it. Glass had it’s final show and Churchill filled with chaos, like the previous three shows we had, cleaning out the dressing rooms...putting away props...taking down the set...sweeping the stage. But this time was different. As I grabbed my makeup and draped my costume over my right arm for the final time making my way out of the whitest dressing room ever to be in existence finding, my way in house. I laid my bags on the floor, sat in the third row, aisle seat, and took it all in. The mayhem that seemed to be happening around me wasn’t in real time. The world began to slow as I gazed up at the chandelier and slowly glided my eyes across each panel on the ceiling finally making my way towards the stage. A place where I preformed only four times was now my home.
It was as if my body shut out all noises and I became the only person within it’s walls. The real world seized to exist and I became consumed with this indescribable feeling. The type of feeling you can never get unless you truly take in a moment. Salt water started to escape my being and my love for this gorgeous theatre grew. It finally hit me that Glass was over and I will never be up on this stage again. My family will disperse after this trip and we will no longer be the same. I will never be the same. As I sat in the chair it’s velvet material caressed my skin and created a certain type of vulnerability within myself that I have never experienced. A that moment will forever be lost in time...intangible. This vibe that seems to be creating a forcefield from reality will never happen again. 

“Thank you Mid-Pacific” echoed throughout the theatre, for the last time, quickly snapping me out of this beautiful trance I never thought would end. As I made my way out of the theatre, down the steps and onto the coach one final time I had to stop myself from sobbing. Tears have been shed after every final performance. When the show is over and our final curtain call has arrived crying seems to be inevitable. But no tears have ever meant more than those shed on that red velvet seat in Scotland. 

Standardized Testing



Over the years I have learned that I tend to buckle under pressure. Yes, it is extremely sad that I do not allow myself to complete a standardized test to the best of my abilities. I honestly do not think that these tests measure a students academic readiness for the future. In fact it does the exact opposite.

Annually high school juniors and seniors sit in a class filled with twenty anxious and terrified adolescents. With each student possibly taking your coveted spot at your first choice school. The anxiety fills you and soon enough it’s the only thing you can think of. Not focusing on the this test you just spent fifty dollars on that decides where you end up. But focusing on all the horrifying truths that lye before you if you don’t score as high as you have hoped. For me, I probably stopped five times during the SATs to just give myself a little extra push...a little self motivation if you will. When I test I get more terrified than sitting in the front row of a roller coaster waiting for the ride to start. And if you know me, well then you know I absolutely hate roller coasters. So why do you think I would want to spend my Saturday morning in a room full of strangers? 

By our unwillingness to be there mixed with our anxiety and so very obvious fear I think that a students grades should be judged instead of a test. Sure you might get lucky on a test or two and do fairly well for yourself. But keeping up with the pace of your class. All the while retaining the necessary information you need for your other six classes and getting roughly a 3.6 average show just how capable you are as a student. Granted college is made up of tests and lengthy essays, but you showcasing all your potential, hard work and discipline that you placed into the regular school year, rather than 4 hours on a Saturday, should not go unlooked. Maintaining a rather decent grade point average while being in sports, holding down a job and other various extra circulars you kill yourself to do just you get glanced at by a college rep is ridiculous. 

Forget about all the weekends you’ve lost studying, going to sporting events, volunteering in the community because if you base all of it on a test. None of your hard work means anything. A college should want a well rounded and diverse student that will show case themselves as well as their future college in the brightest of lights. A student should not get into college just because they score higher than most on a standardized test. In fact these tests should be taken out of the equation as a whole. 


To find out who is actually applying their school admission reps should look at your personal statements and essays first. Then move their way into your academic accomplishments. I can assure you that I am not the strongest student out there, but with everything that I do to get a fraction of a test score that my classmates may achieve so easily, the schools aren’t in my favor at all. In fact their in favor of the minority not the majority. So the next time colleges try to recruit more students, they should think about everything that brought the student to this very moment. And should stop focusing on a drowsy and caffeine filled morning.

Monday, November 11, 2013

I Can't Breathe


I can't breathe.
I can't think.
I have no air left, no fight.
Nothing seems to keep sane anymore.
The time flies by before I can even think to breathe.
I can't focus on the future with all this clutter in my present.
I can't stop to take a moment to myself.
I can't sleep, all I can focus on is stress.
I can't live, I can't experience.
I can't day dream.
I can't explore all because I can't breathe.
I need to breathe, I need air.
But there is no air to breathe.
I can't breathe.
I can never breathe.
I am not allowed to breathe.
I simply can not breathe.

Finding Someone

Be with someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart. Be with someone who spends every single minute of his time just to wonder what you`re doing out there, thinking about where you are, who you`re with and if you`re doing fine. Be with someone who thinks about you constantly. Be with someone who can help you reach your dreams and who can protect you from your own fears. Be with someone who understands you, loves every part of you, especially your flaws and treats you with respect. Because you deserve to be with someone who can make you happy, really happy. So, never settle for anything less than you deserve just because you can`t wait for what God has planned for you. He loves you so much that He wants you to be with someone who brings out the best in you.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

A Change In Weather





As the seasons change, so does our attittudes. We get happier know that it's holiday season and the family  is going to be united again. But others become as icy cold as the weather. At first the cold hitting your skin feel refreshing, happy that something new comes along after a hot summer. Then the cold gets old and all you want is summer to roll around once again. So you hybernate and hope that no one notices your disapperance. People always forget the voiceless, it's not dificult; the one's never heard are never seen. So, basically not even in existance to any other life forms. The cold icy weather becomes unbearable for most and they retreat to warmer weather. A new fresh start. It's what everyone wants, but the cold always seems to follow. While in a warm climate you can still feel the icy breeze slicing your skin and filling it with hate. Hibernation is over and the warmth finally hits your skin. But the daunting icy breeze of  winter will always be just a few short months away. Forever haunting you and you sanity.    

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Bucket List: 
21 down & 80 more to go


  1. Get Kissed under a Misletoe 
  2. Go to paris
  3. Kiss a random guy [get name:Stephen]
  4. Go skinny dipping 
  5. Go to a sweet 16
  6. Go to the airport and buy the cheapest ticket I can get to leave that night
  7. Dedicate my whole summer to building houses in third world countries
  8. Crash a party
  9. Crash a wedding
  10. Go to New York
  11. Get Married
  12. Fall in love
  13. Get my heart broken
  14. Go to all 50 states
  15. Get kissed on a Ferries wheel 
  16. Get kissed  underwater 
  17. Go to China
  18. Go sky Diving
  19. Go to Tahiti
  20. Do a body shot 
  21. Swim with sharks 
  22. Have a one night stand
  23. Fly a plane
  24. Sword fight
  25. Have a shopping spree
  26. Throw a “real” H.S. party
  27. Go to a strip club
  28. Ride on/Drive a motorcycle
  29. Kiss in a heated argument
  30. Ride an elephant
  31. Go to Italy
  32. Go on a cruise
  33. Stay at the Hilton 
  34. Stop in the middle of the Highway
  35. Drive 5mph on the highway w/friends and take up all the lanes
  36. Have a Harry Potter Marathon 
  37. Have a boy/girl sleepover
  38. Go to Vegas
  39. Be in a Flash Mob
  40. Go on “the worlds largest roller coster”
  41. go on “the worlds fastest roller coster”
  42. Race on a speedway/NASCAR track
  43. Go on the Red Carpet
  44. Swim with Dolphins 
  45. Have 2 kids
  46. Drive around the island
  47. Visit all the Hawaiian Islands
  48. Go to Canada
  49. Go to Japan
  50. Go on a cross country road trip!
  51. Be in a movie
  52. Be a lead role in a play
  53. Buy my own house
  54. Live in an apartment w/ friends
  55. Rent a hotel room with friends
  56. Have a Twilight marathon 
  57. Buy no one presents on christmas
  58. Go on a 5 state trip
  59. Own a Timeshare
  60. Go to European and Asian Countries
  61. Get kissed on New Years Eve [11:59 - 12:01]
  62. Go to New York on New Years Eve and watch the ball drop
  63. Eat breakfast at Tiffany’s in N.Y.C
  64. Go to amsterdam
  65. Go on a date to a carnival
  66. Walk on burning coal 
  67. REMEMBER KUPOPO’S BIRTHDAY!!!!! [FEB.8]
  68. Go streaking 
  69. “Dine & Dash”
  70. REMEMBER AARON KIYOTOKI’S BIRTHDAY MORE THAN KUPONO’S (SEP 8)
  71. Complete a “Reck this journal”
  72. Ride in a Hummer Limo
  73. Go nude tanning
  74. Buy thongs with friends
  75. Write on playing cards on why I love him
  76. Don’t go on tumblr for 2 weeks
  77. Get kissed on lockers
  78. Go to the Indian color festival
  79. Don’t go on Facebook for one week
  80. Don’t go on netflix for a week
  81. Go to Bora Bora
  82. Successfully tie-die a shirt
  83. Tell him how I feel [got turned down :(]
  84. Go to mall of America
  85. Make a couple video
  86. Have a paint fight
  87. Have a fire extinguisher fight
  88. Raise money and give it to someone who really needs it
  89. Do Cover the Night 
  90. Go to a gay wedding
  91. Have a “staycation” 
  92. Go to Brazil
  93. Go to Cristo in Rio
  94. Never give up
  95. See the northern lights
  96. Make a “free hugs” sign and give them out
  97. Have a compliment booth 
  98. Witness a miracle
  99. Document everything
  100. Visit Mexico on Cinco de Mayo 
  101. Go to Day of the Dead
  102. Eat at Carlo's Bakery